Day #48 > THURSDAY 10th DECEMBER
Down at 8.30am – Bob & Mum’s turn at the docs today. Mum & I walk Abel & Mum’s alert & aware she needs to speak to the doc about Bob’s alcohol issue & what is likely to happen if he admits he has a problem along with if he doesn’t admit he has a problem. Promising. They leave around 9.40am & I do some odds ’n’ ends on t’interweb.
Currently 1.36pm & they’re still not back. Hope they’re enjoying themselves . . . gulp.
They return just after 2.00pm – we meet as I’m walking Abel, & once we’re all back at the house I help Mum out with some rubbish & ask how it went. ‘Great!’ She replies. ‘Oh – Bob’s getting help?’ I enquire. ‘Oh no, he’s doing it on his own . . .’ she says. Sigh.
We both go inside, I make a cuppa & we sit in the den when Mum asks if we can continue the conversation we were having outside. ‘Of course!’ I say, & then Bob launches into the result of his visit with the docs is that they have agreed that I can accompany Bob at any time to the surgery & he will have a blood test for alcohol there & then. But be aware this blood test only shows alcohol in the blood stream within the previous four hours, & it’s the only test available. Mmm, odd I say, as a breathalyser doesn’t work that way . . .
I admit it’s a start & if he’s serious about giving up drinking then I’m ok with that – but of course we’ll leave it a month or so to get an accurate picture.
His face screws up.
‘No, this needs to be done within a couple of weeks. I’ve agreed to give up drinking, & according to you, all you need is proof that I’ve stopped drinking, which I will give you, so you’re not welcome in this house any more & I want you to leave.’ He hisses. Well, not hisses, but along those lines . . .
‘You can’t tell within two weeks Bob!’ I say, ‘plus the objective is that Mum is safe, happy & cared for, which you stopping alcohol is just stage one, so no, I don’t think that will work at all.’ I say.
‘Well you’re not welcome here so I will get lawyers involved.’ He says – although I paraphrase here, as there was a lot of to-ing & fro-ing, but ultimately he & then Mum agreed that they wanted Christmas on their own. I sounded surprised, as because they have every Christmas together yet I have not spent a single Christmas with my Mum. Mum’s eyes looked emotional. Bob turned away. No real response.
Mum spent the best part of five hours with Bob & came back brainwashed – a completely different person. As much as she enjoyed my time with her, she said, it was time for me to leave. I enquired about her health care, as she hadn’t received any from Bob, & that the difference had come about since I’d been with her. She said she was stronger now, & didn’t want a drink, so she wouldn’t have any problems. I suggested that she still needed care & wasn’t receiving it from immobile Bob, whether drunk or sober. Again, nothing, She was adamant. I could feel Bob’s smug grin.
Well, I’ve known all along that the ole saying ‘can lead a horse to water but can’t make it drink’ holds much relevance, so I didn’t push any further, as I felt tomorrow would be a new day & Mum would likely forget the majority of the nitty-gritty about lawyers & me leaving very quickly, so we’d address it then, & it’d give me a chance to speak with Gina, the doc & Social Services about what I was facing: which as I understood it was leaving Mum in the sole hands of a 40-year alcoholic narcissist going cold turkey – which doesn’t feel the wisest move. By a long shot.
I kept myself to myself during the afternoon, & came down at dinner time to eat – leftover pasta with some mince accompanied by watery frozen spinach – mmmm – I made some polite chit-chat but really wasn’t in the room. Rejection, anger, frustration, annoyance & sheer sadness came & went, despite strenuously trying to give all to God to let Him handle all from within. His will be done I kept reminding myself. But I can’t just stand back or simply walk away eh . . .
I went to bed praying for a miracle. Yes, of course I was dejected but I know this isn’t the end of the road, so I messaged Gina, spoke with Lia & actually slept quite well, until around 5.00am when my mind woke me up whirring about every subject under the sun etc, blah, etc, blah. Oh well, let the new day begin . . .