#01 – What, Where, Why, How & When?

Last year, how I remember Mammy . . .

What?

Darn you dementia – my Mum’s fading away & I need to see her; to get to know her better whilst she still knows who I am and to see if I can help her in any way . . .

Where?

I live in England but am currently on the Greek island of Crete; Mum lives way across the pond in the United States of Opportunity, so alas I can’t just pop over for a cuppa, or indeed a glass of wine . . .

Why?

Mum has mentally & physically deteriorated over the last few months & is stuck in her relatively remote home unable to drive or be part of any of her groups of friends that she used to thrive on, plus she’s just fallen down the stairs at home last week & broken her neck. Gulp.

I last saw her in May last year – pre-Covid so seems a lifetime ago – & she was bright as a button & full of beans. She’s always been a little self-deprecating & lacking in self-worth, but boy-oh-boy does she light up a room & hold court with anyone in her presence. A kinder & warmer heart you could not hope to meet.

However, fast-forward a year or so & clearly she’s fighting a losing battle as homelife isn’t as it should be, because I’m constantly receiving calls from Bob – Mum’s husband of 40+ years – asking me to calm her down along with outlining the latest issues at Deweyland, their remote woodland home in South Carolina, with only one set of neighbours for potential help. I can’t just sit back & do nothing.

Mum’s now been diagnosed with dementia & Capgras Delusion – which is an imposter syndrome, generally replacing the spouse with someone associated with bad memories, resulting in fear & the need to escape. It’s serious. Very serious. She’s dosed up to the eyeballs on strong anti-depressants & worse, plus Bob is self-medicating her – insomuch as he can increase or decrease the dosage as he deems necessary or indeed when he remembers to dispense it – & this cocktail of medication is combined with alcohol, as both Mum & Bob are alcohol dependent. Oh my. It’s their culture; for years they’ve enjoyed a drink or three, but now on the cusp of their 80s ill-health & age is taking its toll & things are spiralling out of control . . .

Bob is a heavy drinker – which is not new news – but he’s also a textbook narcassist who has never showed any consideration or care for others – every single conversation revolves around himself naturally – & as such has no relationships with anyone apart from Mum now, as he doesn’t have any friends & all his family have passed. All of his three siblings passed last year & he didn’t attend a single funeral – so not only do I fear for Mum’s day-to-day safety, but also for her well-being & welfare too.

I’m a Christian – not ‘just’ a Christian on paper by the way, but a practising born-again spirit-filled Christian, who believes entirely that God is good & will help me through all that I encounter in this world, & am prepared to stand on that throughout my walk.

Now, let’s get this into perspective: I was not originally your usual caring/sharing type, far from it. I was adopted at birth by Bob & Jane – who have sadly now both passed – & raised as an only-child so my life simply revolved around me. Me me me.

I always known I was adopted & that relationships were never my strong point. At all. I didn’t ‘get’ other people’s emotions as I’d essentially lived for almost 50 years as a selfish only-child with a couple of virtually estranged daughters & failed marriages trailing in my wake; my parents tried to raise me with decent morals & manners, but ultimately I was hedonistic & would do whatever I needed to do to ensure I was happy, regardless of who got hurt along the way; I simply wouldn’t know what love was if it bit me on the whatsit.

Then it did. Hard.

Three years ago everything changed, as I found God & have been on the most astonishing life-changing & affirming journey ever since, which has turned my world upside down & inside out in every possible way – for the better; because you see as well as finding my heavenly Father who has shown me the ‘real’ me & that I am truly loved & valued, I’ve also found My One – Evangelia – who’s grace & love astounds me every single day & simply makes my life better to make her life better – & to complete the best hat-trick imaginable I’ve also been reunited with my birth mother, so now it turns out that as I’ve found the real ‘me’ & feel loved myself, I’m finally able to give love to others too . . .

How?

I’m currently in Crete. Covid is ravaging the UK & Lia & I escaped Blighty just over a month ago to visit Mary her Mum & other family who live here, planning to stay for a couple of months or so, giving BJ the chance to come up with a cunning plan to deal with the pandemic.

Lia is my lady & family is family right; we all need support from time-to-time, so as Mary was in need of a little TLC we jumped ship & headed for the sun. Great choice & no complaints! Great company, great weather, great food & simply a great quality of life as well as being in the right place at the right time for Mary. I’m fortunate enough to shut down my business for a couple of months – GIG.INK > GREAT GUITAR GEAR – & live off savings for a little while, so am more than happy to jump off the treadmill . . .

One month passes with blue skies & swimming every day, but the calls from Mum & Bob gradually get more & more regular & desperate before I simply have no option but to visit them in the US of Amendments – enough’s enough.

Logistically it’s a nightmare; the US of Awesomeness have decreed in their wisdom that no visitors are allowed in from Europe due to Covid, so the only way I can see to get in is to stay in a ‘safe’ country for 14+ days beforehand.

Much searching shows the only logistical option is the Caribbean, & checking flight prices narrows it down to Barbados. Ahem. Yeah, yeah, I know! Needs-must, so I book the relevant flights & accommodation as best I can, despite the various governments constantly changing rules & regs . . .

When?

FLIGHTS 01 & 02 > MONDAY 1st OCTOBER 2020

01: Heraklion, Crete > Athens mainland
02: Athens > Luton, England

I leave Lia & Crete on Thursday 1st October – just! I nearly miss the flight. Great start  7.30am flight & I manage to set my 5.00am alarm for 5.00pm. Sigh. My body clock kicks in early though & along with heroic driving by Lia I arrive at Heraklion airport in the nick of time. Somehow. Phew.

Short flight to Athens on the mainland – as of course there’s no direct fights to the UK due to Covid – then a longer one to Luton.

All goes to plan & Lia’s brother Costa scoops me up & I get home to Bedford by late afternoon having braved the shops for some groceries.

I’ve an early flight to Barbados booked for Wednesday 7th, so spend the next few days arranging all for my impending trip, including arranging the mandatory Covid PCR test – which amusingly is a 300+ mile 6+ hour drive away in Sandwich, Kent to ensure the results are back in time – along with sourcing & setting up a workable laptop & all the other paraphernalia required for being away for an indefinite period of time . . .