Day #33 > WEDNESDAY 25th NOVEMBER
Greeted by Mum in the kitchen around 9.00am telling me she woke & was uneasy about being here. The house or Bob I ask? Both she says. ‘How much money do I have?’ She says, meaning how much does she have in the bank. ‘Oh, you’ll need to speak with Bob about all that stuff.’ I say, but I notice she doesn’t have her collar on. We get ready to walk Abel & I make a show of letting them both know that Mum doesn’t have her collar on, but not to worry as I’ll sort it & I show Mum how to fix it by looking in the mirror. It appears to help.
As we’re leaving Mum says to Bob that she doesn’t need a key. I ask if Bob’s going out? He says yes, he has some stuff to do, including going to the dump to take the rubbish. I say Mum would love to come out with you. He says no, he’s ok. I say again that Mum would love to come out with you – to get out of this house & spend time with you. He says no. He starts to back away & closes the screen door on us as I ask him if he has something to hide as it’s really strange behaviour. Mmmm.
We turn & walk & talk. She says she’s not happy with Bob. I mainly listen but run through what we’ve both just witnessed & that he was an alcoholic until two weeks ago – possibly still is? – & this is very odd behaviour given the context of that, plus of course not to mention how nice it would be to go out together. And he’s going to the dump with a bad back.
I let all of that sink in with her. She’s starting to see the ‘real’ Bob now.
When we return I have a quick look around the house on my own as I’ve got a niggling feeling that Bob’s not exactly being honest on the drinks front, & low & behold I spot a couple of big empty beer cans hidden in the cupboard underneath Bob’s sink in their en-suite. Mmm. Sigh.
I let that sink in for me!
When he comes back I ask if he’s had a nice trip out & he says he has. I receive a call from Delta Airlines regarding mad prices they want to charge me to fly home & have to deal with that, & when I’m done I go into the den & join them.
Mum turns to me & says ‘I don’t want to leave him you know’. I ask her what she means, as I’ve just come into the middle of whatever they’re talking about. She says what we were talking about this morning Tim – so she’s on it & wants to deal with it now. I say ok, I understand – well, when I came downstairs Mum you said to me that you woke up ‘feeling uncomfortable here & said it was both with this house & Bob’, & I said you’ll need to speak with Bob about that, so I’m guessingthat’s where we are now & you’re saying you don’t want to leave him, but you’re unhappy. Yes she said. Ok, I say, what are you both going to do about that?
So once again we go around the houses but don’t really touch on the root cause. Eventually I say ‘Mum, you told me you’re unhappy here, so it comes down to do you think Bob can make you happy & do you want to stay.’ Bob is his standard rabbit in headlights. No surprise. We go around the houses again – with Bob playing tit-for-tat regularly until I read them both messages to & from Dr Lyle regarding Mum’s updated progress & potential counselling that I instigated yesterday.
Interestingly, it emerges that Bob does not want to go for counselling without discussing it with just Mum & Dr Lyle – without me. He also doesn’t think that I should be discussing Mum’s health with the doc all, & follows that up with confirming that he doesn’t want me to have Power of Attorney over Mum’s health either, as it would usurp him. He says it’s not legal that I am talking to Dr Lyle about Mum’s health, to which he received much eyebrow raising & calls to be serious & realistic rather than legalistic. He then descended down & down with his reasoning process, culminating in him accusing me of not allowing him to visit Dr Lyle with Mum & that it was his appointment she used, rather than the actual reality that she had her own appointment that I had insisted on arranging & had clearly stated that I would be accompanying Mum, as I was not an alcoholic & needed to inform the doctor of exactly what I was witnessing at home as he had never told the truth & was deceiving the doc. He was struggling – clinging on – & at one point he called Mum his mother, which was telling. When enough was enough I touched his arm (to which he initially recoiled) & said we should stop now, because he was becoming irrational, stressed & we were getting nowhere. Mum agreed – & wanted to go out for lunch! Maybe diversionary – or simply hungry again . . .
Within two minutes Bob was in the bathroom vomitting.
Mmm.
Five minutes later he was back & insisting it was some ‘Tums’ he’d just taken -tablets for an upset tummy? Mum still insisted we all go out to lunch so we agreed & moved on.
We hit Zoe’s Kitchen again – Greek/Mediterranean food that Mum & I love, but isn’t anywhere near greasy enough for Bob. I ordered for Mum & I, as Bob couldn’t make up his mind, & once we’d chosen he muscled in & insisted on telling the server he was ill & then ordering a small pasta salad & paying. I contested but he got to the card machine first. He needed the brownie points . . .
During lunch I raised if we should take Dion & Gina a little something for inviting us around for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Again he repeated that we should get him some chocolate made by the company who fired him, before correcting himself to ‘made him redundant’. I handled it differently this time – I simply said ‘oh yes, he’ll absolutely love that, I can’t wait to see his face Bob – I look forward to you giving them to him’. I kept eye contact. I kept eye contact for a teeny tiny bit too long. He knew it. He said actually that Dion used to bring them chocolates from work – mighty fine chocolates in fact. I said that was because Dion cared about them both very much.
I let that sink in.
We made our way home without stopping to pick up anything as a thank you to D&G tomorrow – or anything from the vets for Abel sigh – & en-route Bob asked if Mum had any spray for mildew, as the truck was covered inside as he hasn’t used it much recently.
Now, I should point out that during the last week I’ve noticed he likes to pop out on his own in the truck for a little while – even though he says the brakes need attention. Three times I count so far, & if I was the cynical type I’d suggest he was nipping out for a nice cooling beverage to satisfy his cravings. Just a little one. One week dry; a couple of trips out the following week & now this – the third week – sees it increased to every other day. As I say, this is my cynical side – but as my discovery of the bathroom cabinet beer today I think I’ve every right to be cynical, especially as Mum’s given him the definitive ‘it’s me or the booze’ ultimatum.
Now, timing was perfect, as whilst Mum & he were looking for some spray I found some leather cleaner for his truck & nipped out unseen to the truck to have a quick looky-looky, as perhaps there some was spilled evidence in there . . . but despite wanting to wager a fairly hefty dollop of lolly on discovering an empty can or bottle – or even a spill – it appeared absolutely clean & did indeed smell of mildew. As my lovely lady said, he’d be a master at not spilling a drop of his gold by now so it really was a long shot!
Interestingly, just as I shut the truck door I heard the kitchen door open & Bob shouting ‘Did you find anything?’ Well, either I misunderstood him about what I was looking for – 😉 – or I had the reflexes of a flea (don’t mention fleas!) as I replied with ‘Yes!, I found some leather cleaner & I’ve left it on the driver’s seat for you,’ & walked past him into the house. Nice.
Alone in the kitchen I started to make Mum & I a cup of tea – as that always makes things better right – but as soon as she appeared I donned my Columbo mack & said: ‘Mum, I’ve got a problem; whilst looking for some cleaner for the truck I found something I’m not sure what to do with – can I show you?’ & walked her into the en-suite & showed her the two big cans of beer. She was silent.
The cans were empty, yes, but there’s no denying they were hidden – I said as much to Mum & she shook her head. I said they could’ve been there for a long time. She agreed it was odd they were hidden but she’d cleaned that cupboard out recently – within the last month – although I wouldn’t rely on that in a court room.
We left it roughly as it was but if Bob had paid attention to how he’d left the cans he will know they’ve been moved, & more importantly than that Mum said she didn’t want to approach him about it right now; so we finished making the tea, during which she commented that she felt cold inside about what she had just discovered & there was ‘no need for it – stupid stupid man’. I agreed & said that I don’t want to force anything, you’ve got to go with what you feel is best Mum. So – for now – she’s letting it sink in & is even more aware of the true reality in this house.
A lot of sinking in happened today.
I went outside to cut my hair – stop sniggering – & Mum did some gardening. Then I went to my room & tidied & closed my eyes for an hour before coming downstairs at around 5.00pm to find both of them in the den watching & listening to a choir on the TV. They both seemed to be in a reasonable mood & I’m here typing this as they’re both now in the kitchen preparing a light dinner, as Bob’s tummy is still a bit wibbly – dodgy pint earlier? – Ssshh! – but Mum is always hungry now so insisting we have something. Good ole Mum – go girl!
The evening passed without incident. Mum was strong. I don’t really want to be around Bob, but we washed up & watched Jeapardy together before I made my excuses & left for bed . . .