Day #32 > TUESDAY 24th NOVEMBER
Down around 9.00am – have coffee – Mum having a shower so I join Bob in the den where he’s juggling TV & tablet; he tries to enter into conversation but I’m polite yet don’t volunteer much to both ensure I don’t bring any negativity into the room & I’m feeling the need to be silent with him.
He tells me Mum rolled out of bed last night & dreamt along with snoring – so we discussed her medicine & that last night was the first time in 5 nights without Olanzapine she’d had an issue – but of course the issues in the daytime were much less so maybe that’s the payoff? We’d keep an eye on all, but I noted she was in a bad place on Sunday, but was good on Monday, so what changed then? He wasn’t sure. I suggested I was out all day on Sunday so didn’t know myself so he could have a word with God about it to see if he could start to understand why?
Silence.
Mum & I walk Abel; we chat about all & spent quite a while detailing Bob’s attitude to her – constantly asking her questions about the past to recall names & places which, of course, she can’t remember – & how that must fuel her thoughts of she’s stupid. We discussed how she could be happy & she of course said she was loyal to Bob & loved him, although didn’t always like him or his actions. I told her my observation was whenever she wasn’t stimulated mentally she’d regress to another point in her life, & that I noticed she was always great outside the house but had issues when she returned home. She agreed. I asked her to take it all to Jesus: that she was created perfectly but didn’t think she was perfect now, so to ask Him when & why that has changed & for him to heal her wounds so she can see clearly – & just as we returned home I prayed that over her. She likes me & trusts me – in fact she said she trusts me more than Bob – but regardless of that we agreed that she has to want to do something about the life she’s living if she truly wants change – & only Jesus can bring about a change of how she perceives herself, her husband & her life. Just let Him in & He’ll do the work I said – she said she’d never thought of it like that & liked it. Will do she said.
Back now at 11.00am typing this – & have refrained from asking Bob how he got on at the vets as it is now out of my hands. I’ve discussed all with Mum – so she knows my side of how Bob handles Abel, her & me, & that I won’t entertain being drawn into his dark games & ploys – he has made it clear he knows best so let him hang himself so-to-speak . . .
I have a prayer – right now in the den:
Dear Father God,
Please shine your light in Mum; show her how wonderfully you created her & how others really see her & what amazing gifts she truly has, so she doesn’t need to gain others affections – she simply needs to be. Show her she is loved & cared for by you Lord, & that she can rely on you. Show her yourself Lord, so she may find herself. Please deal with Bob in your way & not my way – please release both Mum & Bob from their bonds & wounds, & heal their hearts so they can love you & others as you created them to.
Amen.
– – – – –
I then type the following message to Mum’s doc, as I feel it’s vital he is aware of all that happens in Deweyland:
Hello there Dr Lyle,
An update on Mum & Bob if I may:
Mum’s mood has improved no end, & it is now more likely that she’s ‘with us’ than ‘elsewhere’.
Last Wednesday I took her to Charleston for three days – just her & I.
She didn’t miss a beat.
– –
FITNESS:
She walked 5 miles on day 1.
7+ miles on day 2.
I didn’t record day 3, but it was up & down the beach.
This is 3 weeks after she couldn’t walk more than 200 yards before feeling dizzy & having to stop to avoid collapse.
– –
MEDS
As you know, she’s now finished her anti-depressants (Wellbutrin XL & Lexapro) with zero repercussions & on Wednesday last week I took the decision to not give her the Olanzapine, as we were in a motel room together so I could address any nighttime issues & track her behaviour responsibly. Well, again, zero repercussions & she slept soundly & was amazing over the entire 3 days we spent solely together.
As an aside, her appetite has increased dramatically too – combination of alcohol & the meds seems to have affected more than just her mood & balance . . .
– –
MENTAL HEALTH
Again, 3 days away & she was sharp as a tack. Occasionally she couldn’t find things or some such similar issue, but nothing that we would regard as an ‘issue’ apart from the onset of old age. She was astonishing – laughing, joking & quite simply ‘alive’.
So – big plusses & ticks alround!
– –
FOLLOW-UP
Now, alas, we have discovered something very worrying. Within TWO hours of returning home she was mistaking Bob for her uncle & I was John Doe. Bob tries to talk her around by correcting her but I just work with her to find out at what point in her life she is & we address all from there, & I find I can gradually bring her back to ‘reality’.
Since then we have noticed that once she’s out of the house she’s absolutely fine, but it varies inside the house & this is becoming apparent that if she isn’t mentally stimulated she regresses to a previous time in her life. She thrives on interaction & rarely receives that from Bob, certainly not for a period of time longer than five minutes.
Dr, can we request some form of counselling for both Mum & Bob together AND Bob solely via yourself, or does this need to be actioned privately? I’m not sure of your protocols here, so need to ask.
As a first-hand observer here for over a month now I clearly see the patterns & am looking for a way to ensure Mum is safe & her well-being is catered for.
I cannot help Bob if he won’t be helped, but there are ongoing issues.
He maintains he’s dry of alcohol but his moods are very variable; his lack of hearing is an issue & his lack of mobility means he’s not able to ensure Mum’s safety at all times. Examples include Mum burning herself yesterday & the wound was uncovered this morning; Bob forgetting vital information regarding the pest extermination inside this infested house; continued questioning of Mum about dates/people in their past life despite her memory loss & lack of self-worth etc etc.
Hope all makes sense there – looking for counselling & any advice you can offer please.
My very best
Tim
– – – – –
Let’s hope I speak his language . . .
Ahh – literally just caught Mum sweeping in the garden – Bob ignorant & unaware. He’s got the news on TV & looking at his tablet, of course. I still haven’t asked him about the vets – & it’s frustrating me hugely now! – but I can deal with it as I’m handing everything that is rightfully his back to him & leaving all my junk at the foot of the cross, washed in the blood of Jesus. I remind Mum she’s on light duties & secateurs are her limit. She thanks me for caring & carries on her merry way.
The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Mum does some gentle work in the garden & I blow the drive along with pruning the mahoosive banana plants. Eat as normal in the evening – some kind of weird runny spaghetti with green beans & sliced sweet white bread covered with butter & burnt garlic. Watch Jeopardy as usual & head to bed as usual, nothing special to report.