Day #29 > SATURDAY 21st NOVEMBER
My first day back & first sight of the house in daylight. Wow, the den really is filthy – what an eye-opener. Add to that Mum comes in without her neck collar on. Sigh. I find it & help Mum pop it on.
I ask Bob about Hoovering – did he Hoover? ‘Yes!’ he said from the kitchen whilst I was in the den. ‘DON’T BULLSHIT ME BOB!’ I shouted, ‘The den is dirty & I Hoovered it on Tuesday before the pest man came & when we left on Wednesday morning it was spotless.’ Silence & Bob doesn’t come in the room.
We’re due to go shopping, but Bob is now sitting at his computer in the bedroom. Mum tells me I’ve been too harsh on him & he’s miffed. Miffed I say? Miffed that he’s been lying to me & I’ve called him out on it Miffed?! Mum doesn’t know how to respond, so I pop my head into their bedroom & ask Bob if he’s miffed with me? No he says, but he’s doing his tax stuff as it needs doing. Mmm. Spoilt child doesn’t want to come shopping & found something else to do? I tell Mum Bob isn’t miffed & she simply says I should be more gentle with him. I disagree & tell her I will always stand up for what’s right & call out what’s wrong. Bob comes in the room & I then raise that Mum doesn’t have a collar on.
And so the day begins . . .
Bob says she must want to wear the collar. Oh boy. He still hasn’t grasped the concept of ‘caring for another’, so I call him out on that too – again – as it’s for her benefit & who would possibly want to wear the collar? Sigh. I point out a few home truths & double-standards & then we start to go deeper . . .
We touch on everything – including that I don’t need to be here for myself, I’m trying to help them because I can see their world falling apart; I am trying to make their lives better if they’ll let me but ultimately it has to be their choice.
It goes on a lot & I simply can’t remember all now; however I do recall Bob saying he hasn’t seen an improvement in Mum very clearly. I’m flabbergasted – so I raise that she can now walk many miles without feeling dizzy; in fact there is zero dizziness – she is taking zero medication & imbibing zero alcohol meaning she’s much brighter & herself; the episodes where she confuses people have reduced drastically & she’s never really angry, agitated or scared, she’s ‘just’ confused/muddled – so sitting here I can see many changes. I ask Bob having listened to all that does he disagree or why he cannot see any improvement?
Nothing.
I ask him again if he thinks he may have had a TIA, as he’s definitely slurring, but get a negative response. He’s very hard work & I give them both my testimony about not caring for people & my upbringing, & that it’s brutally obvious that I am in a place to help with their lives & will not sit back & witness danger without doing anything about it, although they have to decide what they want from life themselves, it’s not a choice I can make for them.
I try my very best to show them both love & care, along with opening myself up emotionally & baring my true self. I feel Mum appreciates this but it just passes over Bob’s head, or actually he will abuse it in the future. This was a two-hour chat & from the heart, & ended with smiles. I truly don’t believe for a moment that it sunk in to Bob’s heart, but it appears to have landed on Mum, but alas in this house she doesn’t have a great record of remembering everything . . .
Finally we go shopping in the afternoon – eventually – as although Bob had three days to himself he feels the need to drag us around the supermarket. I bite my tongue. We go to a deli for lunch & Mum eats heartily – as do I – & then we shop. I amuse myself by taking pics of bizarre foods & help put the food away when we return then go for a siesta. My head is full & my heart is empty. She’s not the same person she was when she was away & I’m struggling not to hold Bob to account & simply take him out of the equation. Yep. But I know that’s not a viable option, so I try to show love around but eat my dinner as quickly as possible & then go to bed early to escape this madhouse.
