Day 28 > FRIDAY 20th NOVEMBER
Lovely night’s sleep for both of us & we breakfasted heartily on our final day in Charleston; Mum had pancakes loaded with bacon & maple syrup & I had the healthy granola. As the sun was still shining – oh my we’d been blessed with the weather – we agreed to drive to a nearby beach & walked for quite while, then slowly headed back to Deweyland.
Our morning & first hour drive back went well & perfectly lucidly without a single ‘incident’, but whilst talking about Bob’s upbringing she mentioned his parents had a holiday home in Florida & that Bob didn’t have a particularly good relationship with them – she was a big drinker & he was a nasty old man. Mmm. We talked about his three siblings & how he didn’t attend any of their funerals – not one – but then Mum confirmed he didn’t go to his parents funerals either. Ouch.
Oh how very telling. He didn’t attend a single family funeral. Oh Lord. What chance does Mum have?!
Then right out of the blue – around an hour away from Deweyland – Mum thought I was Jim, Bob’s sister’s husband who lives in Florida. Oh my. No issues whatsoever with confusion or muddling people since we left home, but now we’re heading there & Bob has entered the conversation she’s gone again. Oh no. I gently talked her around & twigged that the previous talk of Florida & Bob’s family had got muddled & she was now thinking I was part of that time in her life. The people were real but the timeline was muddled. She was relatively easy to get back in the room & I walked her through why she thought like she did & it seemed to calm & reassure her, so the rest of our journey was as it should be, including stopping at a Mediterranean-style restaurant for a late lunch – where she ate heartily of course – & then had a rummage around the Goodwill charity shop before arriving home around 4.30pm.
Abel greeted us in the driveway – not sure how he got outside on his own as Bob was sitting on his throne when we walked into the house. Mum went & kissed him & they exchanged pleasantries. Nothing remarkable. Within two minutes Bob was talking exclusively about his upcoming doctor’s appointment on Monday & our trip away was ancient history & a distant memory . . .
But worse than that – oh so much worse – was that within two hours she thought Bob was her Uncle Harry & I was A. N. Other. Good God this place is dark! She had no issues whatsoever whist we were away yet back in this house & back in Bob’s atmosphere she’s a completely different confused lady. Oh boy.
We eat dinner – overcooked tuna – & Mum still believes Bob & I are other people. We all talk it through, & although I don’t think for a minute this actually made any lasting difference to Mum’s reality, I do believe we made her feel much calmer & understand that her reality is not necessarily the same as what we are seeing & experiencing – so it’s all about trusting us if she is uncertain in any way. Dinner ends well.
Abel is still itching & scratching. And the den floor is filthy. Mmmm. Thomas the pest guy said the place needs Hoovering daily & Bob’s had three days to do it – but nothing. Chocolate teapot. I suggest the blankets on the floor will be covered with fleas & should be moved. Bob says Mum should take Abel to the vets! I hold my breath. I say nothing. Mum asks me what she should do? I suggest she removes the blankets again. Bob rambles on about something irrelevant & then repeats that Mum should take Abel to the vets. I bite.
I ask him why does he think that Mum should take Abel to the vets when he refers to Abel as his own little boy & Mum is unable to drive at the moment as she has no valid driving licence, as it’s expired? He says he does not understand. I repeat, slower & much much more loudly: ‘WHY. ARE. YOU. TELLING. MUM. TO. TAKE. ABEL. TO. THE. VETS? Your little boy? Mum can’t drive. Where is your responsibility’ He replies with he may have used those words but that’s not what he meant.
Sigh.
I tell him that if he cannot say what he means then we are done here & leave for bed.
What a cock.
Yep, I mean it.
Sorry.
What utter madness. Absolutely impossible to communicate with. This man has had 40+ years ordering my Mum about without anyone picking up on his narcissistic, gas-lighting, controlling, bullying ways.
Till now.
This ‘man’ tries to pick other people’s vocabulary apart, but when he is picked up on his own usage he withers. I am so so sad that Mum is seemingly back where she started after our trip & Bob is behaving like a 7-year-old spoilt child. I pray. I am so sad that Mum is tied to this ‘man’ & this house. I am so very sad for my trapped Mum who I have now witnessed enjoying her life.
I note Bob has not done any housework but says he drove the truck up the road to test the brakes. So he went out, Mmmm. Maybe the drink called him . . .
I sleep. I sleep very well indeed.
