Day 87 > MONDAY 18th JANUARY
My last full day in the Land of the Free. Yeah right! I spent the morning doing the remainder of my admin along with checking-in for my flights & composing messages & letters to DSS (Social Services), LADRAC (alcohol clinic) & Mum’s neighbour Gina.
I met Mum & Bob at Deweyland for lunch; there was a very long discussion about where to go but eventually Bob chose a Pizza joint – Mellow Mushroom. I got the distinct feeling he chose it because he knew that both Mum & I preferred something a little more healthy, but hey, why couldn’t Bob choose this one time . . .
We all had lunch. Mum & I had water. Bob had a beer.
Sigh.
Ever been with a small child or colleague who deliberately wants to wind you up? Well, that’s exactly what it was like. I thank God for God, as I simply focussed on Him rather than the spoilt little child opposite me, & was able to make lovely conversation with Mum & we enjoyed our last meal – lunch, not supper – together enormously.
I drove, so dropped them back at Deweyland & we all said our goodbyes outside rather than dragging it out. Mum was sad, as she knew this was really was goodbye now, but we got through it & Bob, well, Bob was just Bob & limply shook my hand saying ‘thank you’ – I reminded him that if he wanted to settle my expenses just say the word, but suspect it went right over his head, or under his wallet . . .
‘Au revoir’ I reminded Mum – till I see you the next time – & not good bye, followed by one last hug for Mum & I drove off.
Sad. So sad for Mum. I feel like I’ve lost her. That may or may not be true, as she is capable of choosing her future & has chosen Bob, which I must accept, but I’m so sad that she cannot see what the big wide world is really like vs what life is really like at Deweyland. But I prayed & ultimately felt blessed that we were able to spend three months together & get to know each other properly – what a joy.
What a pleasure it’s been – regardless of all the stress I’ve encountered along with the culture of their house which is so alien to me – what an honour to get to know my birth mother. Susan-Mum. My Mum. Bless her.
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The rest of the afternoon was slightly less emotional, thank goodness. Yet another Covid test, sigh, & a bit of last-minute shopping including bagging a brilliant Lego Iron Man for André after literally months of looking for one – blessed indeed 🙂
I nipped to Gina’s church too, as she was able to print me out some copies of my testimony here in the United States of Americana: from my initial discoveries, through the changes to lifestyle & medication & the results that clearly displayed, right up to my ‘surprise’ visit with wine & beer ahoy; I simply told my story of spending three months at Deweyland & asked them to step-up & take professional responsibility for my Mother’s health & well-being knowing what her true reality was like. It felt like such a small result for such a journey, but all I can do is what is right, right?
I didn’t make it back to the room in time for our weekly video chat with Mum, Bob & Jane, so I chatted in the car. Oh my, it was – by far – the worst video chat we’ve ever had. Bob was simply obnoxious, constantly buggering about with the screen & microphone & making it impossible to communicate clearly; Mum was very poor & not with-it, as clearly the emotional stress of the day had taken its toll, or maybe a glass of something had raised its head . . .
I threatened to go back there & sort Bob out. Perhaps not my best moment, but I confess I found it very hard to deal with & simply ended the call as soon as possible once I’d ensured that Mum knew that I loved her dearly & enjoyed spending so long with her, plus of course I would be in touch very soon to let her know I was safe.
So. Very. Sad.
I gave it all to God. I gave Him my feelings: all my feelings of pain & hurt at the ‘loss’ of my Mum to Bob. I gave it to Him as dealing with it was beyond anything I could do in my own strength.
He showed me His light & love, leaving me content in the knowledge that he loved my Mum.
But you know what else he did as well as showing me that he loved my Mum? He also convicted me that he loved Bob just as much as he loved Mum. And that he loved me just as much as Bob. There were no favourites. That’s a sobering thought eh . . .
We are all God’s children, & we are all important & equal to him; I’m solely responsible for me – only me – & cannot live others lives for them, so I am content in the knowledge that I was there for Mum – and Bob – when they really needed me, but their lives are for living their way, not mine.
Fair point.