Day #72 > SUNDAY 3rd JANUARY
Early start as KLC at Fort Mill is back on. Hoorah! I come downstairs at 7.50am & Bob is drooling in his throne, but his eyes stir as I pop my head in the den – ‘Good morning Bob,’ I say, then ‘I’ll be back just after lunch so I hope you have a great morning together!’ & turn tail & head out to the car.
Church was fantastic – especially after four weeks off! – Dennis was on fire, & all is centred on being in love with Jesus before anything else, which rings true – as without Him we are nothing. I gain so much from my visits here – it truly is life-giving & I chat to my brothers & sisters before heading back for the 90 minute journey.
All goes well & when I return I have a lovely 45-minute chat with Mum. She’s a little disorientated & tells me that she had a struggle with Bob over making my bed! Eh, ‘making my bed?!” ‘Yes, I went up to do your bed & put some washing on.’ She gushed. How lovely. ‘Oh no need for that Mum.’ ‘I wanted to.’ She said. But apparently Bob was hard work but she was laughing about it now – the simple fact she had to order him upstairs to help her & that he was controlling & took over everything. Well, to be honest, no surprise there . . .
I notice some prawns are out on the worktop. The same prawns that Bob cooked on Christmas morning to take to Sherrie’s for lunch, which of course naturally be brought back with him – waste-not-want-not eh 😉 Mum doesn’t eat prawns, & I’ve avoided them – but now they’re nine days old! Mum & I chat about them & both agree they’re far too old to eat & wonder if Bob had them yesterday which caused his vomiting? Either way, old prawns weren’t a wise move & we needed to mention it to Bob, but I wasn’t holding my breath as I knew it wouldn’t go well if I attempted to offer some basic food hygiene information.
I go off to get changed & check on messages, speak with Lia etc., & come back downstairs at 4.00pm as arranged to walk Abel with Mum. As we leave, Mum calls Bob ‘Dad’, & it’s obvious with our subsequent conversation that she’s confusing Bob with her father, Harry. We discuss & I walk her through the confusion & ask why? Why today? Why does this happen when I’ve been out all morning, as I haven’t seen you like this for a long time Mum – what’s happened today? She tells me. Ahhhh. She recalls asking Bob to help her changing my bed – ! – & it turning into a full-blown argument & Bob being – I quote, ‘very nasty.’ She hasn’t got over it & now his anger has manifested itself as confusion within Mum, via stress.
There we have it, if Bob is angry / confrontational / unkind with Mum she goes to another place to escape. It’s that simple.
I also ask if she had lunch, but of course she hadn’t. Bob doesn’t care for his wife at all. I’m incredibly saddened by this, & chat with Mum about calling Bob out on it right now – as this isn’t right at all – but between us we decide that we’ll let the counsellors know & go from there, as they’d be delighted to know about how Bob takes care of of his wife . . .
I’m having to bite my tongue. That’s unusual . . .
Once back we had a cuppa & I noticed the prawns were back in the fridge – but without a lid on. Oh boy. When Bob came in I mentioned this to him, & he confirmed he’d left them in there & was eating them. I ran through the basics of shellfish hygiene which met with a point-blank: ‘If you’ve got something to say I don’t want to hear it, just take it outside’ &, at one point, included ‘eat your own food & don’t worry about me.’ Then he started to get nasty, so I ended Prawngate by leaving the room after letting him know that I was trying to be of help because he is the one with a dodgy tummy & he is the one who isn’t aware of dodgy shellfish, but he is more than entitled to gorge himself on the stuff.
Mum joined me in the den, really frustrated that this is her husband & that he behaves like this. ‘What should we do?’ She asked. I said there wasn’t much we could do, as I’ve tried to be civil & look where it’s got me. It’s his call, but I’m going to look forward & move on from this, as it’s toxic. I shall tell the counsellors about his hygiene – & about the dirty cat bowl from outside that he insists on leaving on the worktop – & let them educate him. He’s the one with a bad tummy Mum, I wonder why? She said she meant what shall we do about the future, because she’d had enough of this & would prefer to be with me. I confirmed I’d prefer that to, but as it’s coming up to the end of the day, let’s move forward & see what tomorrow brings, as we’ll have a whole new day to live – & we can go out together or whatever you’d like. Let’s just keep positive & we’ll address all tomorrow. I’m not sure she was convinced, but she agreed we need to keep positive & not be sucked into this toxic mess.
Again I find myself praying for the light to shine in this darkness. Dear God, please help us all.
