Day #61 > WEDNESDAY 23rd DECEMBER
Lovely video chat with Lia – she’s on great form this morning, but that could have something to do with the raki she’s used on her toothache . . .
Woke up feeling more reassured by the fake departure scenario. I know it’s misleading, but it’s the only way I can see that gives me peace to let Mum & Bob have a real chance to simply be themselves and an opportunity for me to see what real life is like for them alone after so many changes in their lives. It would give me peace in my heart to know they’re ok alone together, & if not, well, I am still around to address any new issues which arise. One week will give Bob enough time to show his true colours. One hour would do it . . .
I also woke feeling that without God I would’ve turned into Bob myself. Gulp. Imagine that! Similar to Scrooge seeing what was in store for him I felt utterly convicted that I’d end up a grumpy old man – a sozzled grump old man, & a couple of years ago I wasn’t far off at all . . . Oh my, what a confirmation & reminder of what an amazing God full of grace & mercy we have. If I can change, anyone can change – & oh how much more ‘whole’ I feel, like I’m ‘living’ my life as I should, regardless of the mountains in my way I’m living my life my way. Thank you God, I feel it & hear you loud & clear!
Downstairs I make a new brew of coffee & have a lovely chat with Mum. She confesses she hasn’t bought any gifts for Christmas so I confirm that we’re going out at 2.00pm this afternoon to pick up some presents for Bob. She beamed, then sank, clearly feeling sad at not remembering herself. ‘Oh don’t you worry Mum, I said, you’re living with Bob who doesn’t do Christmas & you’ve been busy dealing with your own stuff, so let me take you out & we’ll do all this afternoon together. Boom, that smile lights up again & all is good . . .
Washing machine making a heck of a racket – Mum was in the laundry room with it so I popped my head in to investigate & asked Mum if she’d put a saucepan in it!
I recoiled at my quip immediately, as I realised just a month ago she could well have – or even worse! – & I need to be considerate about what I say – but today she just laughed: ‘No. I just swore at it & it sorted itself out!’ As you were . . .
We make ourselves busy in the morning & Mum has a siesta around 1.30pm. Slightly frustrating as she & I had agreed to go out pressie shopping then, but I just hung around & eventually at 4.00pm we made our way out, despite Bob clearly being uneasy about Mum going out with me. Wonder why?
We hit a few shops & picked up all we needed in record time – which, for the record, were some slippers, chocolates & a big insulated drinks cup for Bob, plus some wrapping paper along with a jumper from Mum to me for Christmas. Lovely. Job jobbed & we were back before 6.00pm in time for dinner.
Mmm, dinner. Pork leftovers with some overcooked rice & sugar snap peas that had been cooked for two or three weeks. And not de-stringed. Mmm, great workout for the teeth & terrific fibre at least . . .
Whilst finishing dinner it all kicked off again. Yep, again. Groundhog Day in this respect too. It all started because I raised the issue of Abel’s future flea drugs, & Bob simply insisted that Mum was responsible for Abel too. Sigh. I tried to gently point out that he takes over everything to do with Abel so Mum doesn’t get a look-in now – unlike how it used to be – & right now it falls on Bob’s shoulders to ensure Abel is taken care of. Just as it falls on his shoulders to ensure Mum is taken care of too. Well, you’d have thought I called him every rude name under the sun, as we quickly went from wanting to know exactly what he was responsible for, to him feeling unhappy to him wanting me to leave. Boom – here we go again . . .
To be fair, Mum was on form & called him out on all the emotional blackmail he was dishing out, & she saw straight through his narcissistic reasoning – including that he simply needed to ‘win’ the argument & have the last word, resulting in Bob actually suggesting to Mum that she should come to the UK with me for 2-3 weeks for a holiday after she told him she could see no point in continuing as they were, as he doesn’t show her any love.
Mmm, he’s struggling to cope with Mum as it is, but it looks like I’m pushing him over the edge & he’ll do literally anything to ‘win’ any discussion/argument, but the thought of me leaving him alone to do whatever he wants seems to be his priority right now, despite Mum rather seeing him care for her . . .
This week’s mantra is ‘show your wife you love her Bob.’ It stops any nasty quips in their tracks & puts the focus back on what’s right, although I confess I did forget it myself from time-to-time earlier, as that man could start an argument in an empty room. Ho Ho Ho.
Well, thank goodness we’re off to some friends for Christmas lunch on Thursday – hallelujah, as dinner here may have left a nasty taste otherwise!