Day #40 > WEDNESDAY 2nd DECEMBER
Breakfast ‘date’ with Trip today; Mum’s definitely coming although Bob hasn’t committed of course – so after a good catch-up with Lia about what’s happening in our respective worlds I head downstairs at around 9.00am, as we’re due at Trip’s at between 9.30-10.00am. I have a coffee & no one’s around, so as I finish my coffee Bob appears & after my pleasantries of ‘good morning’ etc I ask if he’s coming to breakfast. He tells me no, as he has things to do around the house. Actually he says, him and Mum have things to do around the house. Oh I say, ok, but wouldn’t it be fantastic to see your friends, as you’re in the house every other day of the year? Mum appears, agrees with me & tells Bob so. Bob goes off on one, about how they’d had a lovely long chat earlier & agreed they’d do housework but she’s changed her mind because I’ve told her what to do. Mmm. I’d only just downed my coffee so it was a little early for me to take up the en-guard stance, but ok Bob, bring it on . . .
Bob complained that I was telling Mum what to do. I disagreed & said so – I wasn’t telling or ‘bossing’ her around like he alleged, but yes Mum lit up when she spoke with Brenda last week so I arranged to go & see her & Trip. Did he really think that housework was more important than that? Is that how much he valued his wife’s welfare & well-being? Isn’t he the one who is telling her what to do & ‘bossing’ her around?
Bob said Mum wasn’t actually my Mum, as she had signed me away all those years ago. He then asked me what legal right I had to tell Mum what to do? Mum was offended. What gives me the right to say anything to her? Legally? Mum said it was because she gave birth to me. Bob said it was only because we were blood related. Mum was offended & accused him of ruining their relationship. I asked Mum if Bob was looking after her best interests, & she replied with an emphatic ‘No!’, because she’d like to see Brenda – at which point Bob relented & said that if Mum would like to see Brenda then he’d go.
Bob continued to insist that I had zero legal right to tell Mum what to do – & I replied that he was attacking me but look at what damage it is doing to his wife. He turned that around to himself, & Mum jumped in & chastised him. Mum asked Bob to visit Trip & Brenda for her, & to please accept me as a big part of their relationship, as she gave birth to me. Bob replied that there’s no legal right. Mum confirmed she likes to change her mind & right now she’d like to visit her friends, & Bob had nowhere to go with his reasoning.
To end this farce I proffered my hand to Bob to show no ill-will; he took mine although it was very limp & poor, so I reached out again & Bob confirmed he didn’t believe me, to which Mum replied ‘you’re barking up the wrong tree’ & we got ready to go.
Well, Mum gets changed & Bob & I continue talking. Bob thinks I’m getting in the way of his relationship with his wife. I say he’s not caring for her so I’m looking after her well-being. I ask him why he is not caring for his wife? He says he is, & it’s my opinion I’m not. I say no, it’s not just me Bob, the doctor & the others totally agree with me. He takes it back to the legals. I tell him that that shows me he doesn’t want me to care for my Mum & I take objection to that. We go around the houses. Eventually Mum tries to remove her collar & I jump to her aid rather than continue Bob’s legal cross-examination. That speaks volumes eh . . .
I suggest they go to see Trip & Brenda on their own – without me – but Mum won’t have it. I get her woolly top on & then her neck collar & our work is done – Bob leaves & jumps in the car.
We head out to Trip & Brenda’s & well, let’s just say Bob was all on his own until we all sat down in their house. After Mum & Brenda had initially caught up Bob told us all about his own issues. Again & again. In the midst of this aural assault I manage to change the subject to include us all & we carry on without Bob’s input for the most part – but every five minutes or so he would jump in & tell us how a particular subject matter related to his ‘issues’.
Bob drops the fact that he’d seen the results of his scan(s) yesterday & he was literally in bits – two loose screws, broken bits & a fracture somewhere on his spine. Oh my. Ok Bob I said, we need to look at your future here, as it looks like you’ll be needing surgery soon. Well, I don’t know about that he said, but I’ll know after my appointment on Monday. There’s issues ahead for their household, they need help & need it fast.
We left Brenda convalescing on the sofa & the four of us headed out to breakfast. Well, it was a lovely thing when Trip suggested Lizard’s Thicket, as that’s Bob’s favourite – & despite Bob & Tripp being at loggerheads for years (it’s actually the women who are great friends, the men just wind each other up) there was a sense of relief that Bob could eat somewhere he liked.
We arrived, I said it was all on me & we ordered – Bob having a full stack obviously – & chatted. Bob tried to keep the conversation on politics & cars, but I turned it to flowers & Trip took great delight in showing photographs of his garden to Mum to ID the flowers & chat about all things flora & fauna. I had a sneaky suspicion that even if Bob didn’t like Trip previously, he’s less of a threat than I am, so he warmed to him which means hopefully Mum’ll be able to get out to see Brenda more regularly now. Good.
After breakfast/lunch we dropped Trip off & returned home, where Mum & I had a cup of tea, naturally. During this cuppa I asked Bob what it was that was so vital that he didn’t originally want to come out for breakfast? What earth-shattering tasks had he up his sleeve? Turns out it was sweeping & mopping the bathroom & kitchen floor. That’s it. Um. Ok Bob, well, may I suggest something? I may, good, thank you – well, it seems to me that as Mum is on light duties with a broken neck & wearing a collar she can’t clean; & as your back is currently a mess & you’re waiting for surgery – of course I was corrected that he didn’t know for sure yet, but will on Monday, although he agreed that loose screw, fracture & broken bit didn’t look great – you can’t clean, so I will. It doesn’t come with any provisos or conditions, so let me, please. He said he’s always done it, before it being clarified that no he hadn’t, Mum had always done it & he was a temporary stand-in. I said I felt it was an unnecessary risk for him, & I would do it. He whinged & moaned but eventually got the brush & mop out for me. Then he tried to empty the dishwasher. Now, honestly, part of me wants to let him do all this stuff so he buggers up his back – because he needs to learn how to take responsibility for his actions so he can look after himself and his wife – but that won’t do anyone any good here & will ultimately harm them both, so I say, firmly but kindly, Bob, please leave that – you’re bending down & let’s make life easy until the docs tell you how bad everything is eh. Stoppit. Go & rest please.
I do the necessary.
Afterwards, I walk Abel with Mum, & take the opportunity to remind her that she would have been mopping & not seen her dear friends if both she & I hadn’t have stood our ground; that is the life Bob has planned for her – but that I was delighted to see her choose the ‘right thing’ of buoying up her friend who clearly was over the moon to see her, rather than panda to Bob’s perverse obsession of keeping her away from anyone & everyone. She agreed. I felt somewhat reassured that good was triumphing over evil, as Bob had really twisted the knife today, but Mum & I have clearly had good results & she has once again seen the Real Slim Shady. Sorry, Bob.
I crack on with the housework once I return & then disappear upstair to type this up at around 3.00pm.
Back downstairs at 5.15pm, Mum is snoozing on the sofa & all looks calm. Bob’s faffing somewhere or other, but the rest of the evening goes like Groundhog Day & I retire to my pit at around 9.00pm, however I do notice Bob popping off into the bedroom a couple of times at random points during the evening just for a minute or less – & I don’t hear the lav flush – Mmmm, my whiskey senses are sharpening . . .