Day #10 > MONDAY 2nd NOVEMBER
Up early for docs visit. Walk Abel. Mum ok & not dizzy – hoorah! I remind her that I intend to tell the doc all I’ve seen & she agrees that the truth needs to be told. We leave at 8.30am & there’s zero traffic – Bob is very surprised, but I’m not as I’ve got a feeling we’re going to be looked after today . . .
Mum & I go through first & sit in docs waiting room & chat – I turn my phone on & record – all detailed in my Dr. Lyle audio recording but ultimately Mum confirms she’s not happy, then I run all my ‘findings’ & testimony past the doc who agrees that I should take Mum out of this situation for respite – trip to the coast for a week? – to give her the chance for some time away from Bob to see how she responds. Mum & I chat afterwards whilst Bob sees the doc on his own (of course, why would he share?) & Mum confirms she wants to come & live with me. Good. My Mum is more than welcome to live with me – we can easily make that happen if she wishes. Brilliant.
We get back & walk Abel again – lucky boy, two walks already! Mum says she has been thinking & feels she has to give Bob another chance otherwise she’ll be eaten up with grief. Ahh, that didn’t last long did it . . .
I assure her she has to do what is right in her heart – as I believe she’s absolutely right & will be consumed by guilt if she doesn’t – but Bob has had many many chances & it’s clear she’s not happy with her life, so she agrees to give him the ‘it’s me or the whisky’ ultimatum. Long walk & Mum not dizzy. Not at all. Interesting.
We return & by the time I’ve hung up Abel’s lead she’s already given Bob the ultimatum! I start my phone recording, unload the dishwasher to give them a bit of time & then enter the den where they are when I hear Bob desperately trying to pass the buck back to her & being slippery. I join in to try & give some direction & we all talk for around an hour – all recorded in the Mum vs Bob audio.
After what seems like an eternity Bob finally confirms that he will stop drinking in the house. Cold turkey. I raise my concerns but he’s adamant. We confirm that Mum is saying it’s her or the whisky. He chooses her. He has his last chance.
For me personally it feels vital that Bob quits the sauce – as there’s no way I’m prepared to let a drunk look after my Mum. Simple. Look at the mess they’d gotten themselves into – stopping excessive drinking is key to their future well-being & health, but I also appreciate that *something* turned them to drink, so we also need to look at the root too . . .
During this lengthy chat, Bob confirms that Mum did not have her anti-depressants this morning – as apparently leaving for the docs at 08.30 was too early, & then he obviously forgot afterwards. Mum has walked the dog twice without dizziness; she has a heck of a day giving him the ultimatum but says she feels great – so she’s either running on adrenaline or the anti-depressants are affecting her negatively. I send the doc a message about Bob proposing to go cold turkey & the obvious fears I have about that plus let him know about Mum’s mis-medication & the resulting change for the good, & he duly responds agreeing that Bob should be careful & we should look to reduce Mum’s meds gradually but not cease all immediately. Good. A few days of no sauce for Mum & now reducing meds – very good news indeed.
Then it gets even better . . . a visitor:
In an uncanny God-incidence the social worker who came to see the Dewey’s to check out Mum’s injuries & lifestyle just before I arrived came to visit. Terrific!
She questioned both about all & they put on their brave face & gave their ‘everything is perfect’ rhetoric. However, once they’d finished I gave Adrianna a large dollop of Dewey reality – including outlining all I’d witnessed, the visit to the docs earlier today along with Bob’s alcohol-dependency & how he’s literally just agreed to quit. All in front of both Mum & Bob. Nothing wrong with speaking the truth – & once everything’s out in the light it can be addressed.
I continued my chat with Adrianna outside without the Deweys, & we agreed that she would close her current case but I would stay in touch & let her know any developments here, as I still believed that neither Mum nor Bob were physically able to properly care for themselves, each other or the household in general. They do need help, but let’s get the alcohol issues sorted first & then go from there. Agreed.
Oh that’s made it official hasn’t it. Nice.
We have dinner – zero alcohol – all good – watch a few mins of TV afterwards & Mum goes to bed on her own around 8.30pm. She is sorting clothes again but seems calm so I go to bed myself shortly afterwards & all appears calm.
What a day. Progress. Hoorah!
