Day #06 > THURSDAY 29th OCTOBER
Mum very confused this morning but we had a good chat whilst walking the dog & as she seemed to return to reality I asked her what happened last night. She said she was frustrated with Bob but couldn’t remember exactly so I told her everything exactly as it happened from my perspective. I went to great pains to say I was her son & wanted the very best for her & what I witnessed was my truth. She took it on the chin & agreed with all along with thanking me for being honest. She knows Bob doesn’t know any better & she’s used to it, but she is still hurting inside at his lack of attention.
Once we returned, I told Bob about my alcohol-free wine plan, his eyes lit up like he’d just heard the best hack ever! I planned to simply replace the ‘normal’ wine with alcohol-free wine in the same bottle, but also leave another alcohol-free wine bottle in the fridge so that if she didn’t like the ‘original’ she could always choose the other. Smart. I also asked him how much whiskey he drank a day, he replied too much. I said no, in quantity? He said he didn’t know, two or three (!) but it was mainly water & ice. I mentally pictured the photographs of the leaking whiskey bottle.
Mum has been sorting clothes all morning whilst I was on the laptop – seemed ok – & @ 12.45pm came & asked Bob when they were having lunch. Now, at 1.05pm they are both making lunch together. Mum had a big lunch – cheese toasties – & seemed ok & once finished continued sorting her clothes.
I went out to do some clothes shopping around 2.00pm & bought some alcohol-free wine. Returned around 4.00pm & Mum had a glass of full-fat wine in her hand. She seemed a little disorientated but nothing unusual.
Took Abel for a walk around 5pm but Mum a little wobbly, so we only walked to Gina’s & back – slowly. Wine & walking = a big no-no.
I said I’d blow the drive whilst Mum chilled & got some rest – so I discussed all intricacies of Bob’s petrol blower, as we all know a man is very protective with his tools. I got it started & cleared half of the long ole Deweyland driveway before Bob came wibbling down to tell me how to start & use the blower. He then made such a song & dance about it he stalled it & couldn’t get it going again. I thanked him for his concern, restarted the blower, told him to go back inside unless he wanted to do it himself & finished off the rest of the drive.
6.00pm: just chatted with Mum who was flitting around between kitchen & den. She was a little wine-weary but then appeared with a new glass filled with a darker liquid. I saw her take a slug & then immediately slur when she spoke. No doubt, this was not wine. She went to the kitchen & I followed – she put her glass down & I tasted it – I thought it was sherry mixed with whiskey. Mum was standing at the kitchen island & in slow motion started to droop & roll to her left – I caught her. Held her up. She fainted for 10 seconds – well, she was limp for that time – then slowly started to come back round. I reassured her all was ok. Told Bob to check what was in her wine glass. When he didn’t move I told him again, loudly. He moved this time, although slowly. He eventually got to it & said he didn’t know but it smelt ‘off’. Mum was clearly absolutely leathered. Bladdered. Smashed. I held her up until she was vaguely able to support her own weight after around a minute, & then walked her into the dining room, sat her down on a dining room chair & simply observed. She was conscious & relatively steady, surprisingly, so we served dinner. She opened her mouth & spoke absolute gibberish – proper, real-life gibberish. She couldn’t use her knife & fork, & tried to eat huge chunk of ham, tried to cut up food on the table rather than her plate etc., etc. – she was right-royally smashed. We kept her talking, & in the middle of the gibberish as clear as day came out that she was bored with her life – she needed some mental stimulation. 30-40 mins later after she’d demolished the plate of ham, potatoes & green beans (as I thought food would be good for her!) she tried to get up & in slow-motion keeled over to her left, I caught her. Again. I took her to the sofa, made sure she was conscious, reassured her & after around 10 minutes she agreed she wanted to go to bed. I walked her to the bedroom, got her on the bed, bid her nite-nite & left her sleeping. 20 mins later she was back up – trying to take her make-up off with pads. Bob said he’d be in in a minute & carried on watching the TV. I queried if he thought Mum was ok walking around the bedroom? If she was capable of getting changed? He said he didn’t know. I got up & checked on her – she was on the toilet – & then I ensured Bob came in to help her get dressed properly & put her to bed. He got her sorted, & she told me she loved me & I told her I loved her, she stroked my arm & looked deeply into my eyes – into my soul. I hung around for 20 mins or so then made my way to bed to type this & sigh very deeply indeed.
Oh. My.
Bob told me that whilst I was out Mum was a little restless so he suggested she have some wine. Which she did.
Oh. My.
I asked if this was his normal ploy? He said he wasn’t sure what I was doing with the alcohol-free wine. Sigh. I reminded him I’d told him exactly what I was doing – which was to replace the existing wine in the bottle with the alcohol-free stuff & let Mum drink that. If she complained I’d show her the other (alcohol-free) bottle in the fridge & she could drink that instead with no other options. Genius! Slowly-slowly I said, I knew she liked wine so didn’t want her to think she was giving up cold-turkey. Bob seemed oblivious to such a suggestion.
Turns out Mum poured herself a Pimms. A neat Pimms. From the bottle which sits next to Bob’s whiskey in plain view. I asked if that was wise to keep it there & Bob replied that he would dispose of it. I said it’s still there. Along with a bottle of whiskey next to it. I also said I’m trying to work out whether you’re simply careless, negligent or guilty of abuse Bob – by feeding Mum wine. He shrugged his shoulders & said she’s never been this bad. But later admitted she has slurred before, more than once. I said this cannot go on like this. I think he agreed, but he gave that rabbit in headlights look. I said Mum collapsed twice, & you were nowhere near her Bob. She has a fractured neck, what damage could’ve occurred if she’d hit the floor? I truly dread to think.
Bob does not offer any care, safety or stimulation in her life. He spends his life watching TV & does not interact with Mum unless he wants her to do chores. Even as I was putting Mum to bed in her drunken stupor he was watching TV, & seemed annoyed when she got up again & I said he should take care of his wife & ensure she’s in her nightie & tucked in properly.
I believe Mum is truly in danger here & Bob is absolutely incapable of taking care of her.