Day #63 > FRIDAY 25th DECEMBER
Christmas Day! Whoop whoop. Hold on, where’s the Christmas cheer?! None here, that’s for sure . . .
I make a coffee & drink alone as both the Chuckle Brothers are in the en-suite. Bob comes out first & I wish him Merry Christmas. He mumbles the same in return & disappears. Eventually Mum appears & we exchange Christmas Cheer – hoorah!
We walk Abel – sans Bob naturally – & Mum stops to pray for a good Christmas. Amen! How good is that?!
There’s a bit of faffing for breakfast & I remind all again that we’re leaving at 12.00 noon to head to Sherrie’s, Gina’s sister for Christmas lunch. I ask Bob if he wants me to drive & him be chauffeured, but he declined, so I gave him the address & simply asked him to get us to Chapin on the I26 & I’d take it from there. We discussed this in more detail, as obviously more detail as needed because men discussing directions is a potential tinderbox & needs to covered in nano-detailery – plus I don’t want to be caught in any subsequent crossfire. Christmas Day ceasefire please. Think of the trenches Bob, think of the trenches – anyone for football?
Bob had a non-alcoholic beer for breakfast. Oh.
Finally at 11.30am it was agreed to open presents – I’d bought Mum & Bob some gifts & had been out shopping with Mum to get Bob a few things from her. Obviously I’d offered Bob the same, but he didn’t take me up on the offer at all. Well, Mum loved her new coat & even Bob seemed pleased with a back massager from me, & even let out a small smile upon the slippers, insulated mug & industrial-sized bag of Hershey’s Kisses chocolates . . .
I received three T-shirts. Wrapped in clear polythene. Well, it’s the thought that counts eh.
Bob also received the same T-shirts from Susan. But Bob chose them. And bought them. Susan didn’t know about them . . .
I had to push to leave at 12.00 noon, & we got out the door only a few minutes behind, & I let Bob do his thing. About 10 minutes into the 30 minute journey he asked me which way to go, so the Chapin & I26 discussion 20 minutes ago was now a distant memory, & we were going freestyle . . .
I told him which way to go – left at the lights Bob. ‘Why left, we need to go blah blah blah!’ Sigh. I’m not going to have an argument about directions Bob, just please take the left & we’ll be on the I26 soon. ’This isn’t the way to the I26’ etc., etc. Seriously, I wanted to bail . . . ‘Ok Bob, I have never been here before. I have not stepped foot in this place in my life, & despite giving you the address & then agreeing to take over at Chapin you’ve asked me which way to go, so I am telling you. It is not up for discussion, no one wants an argument on Christmas Day, so please just follow the directions for now, even if you know a better way eh.’ I pleaded.
More ramblings about ’not being the way to the I26 ensued – but I just counted with ‘no one is interested Bob, we just want to get to Sherrie’s’ & then remained silent. Five minutes later we did indeed join the slip road onto the I26 & I stifled a smile . . .
Spent two & a half hours at Sherrie & Bill’s – lovely. Mum was happy & even Bob was joining in to conversation – although all subject matter revolved around Bob, naturally. Bob had two more non-alcoholic (NA) beers. We ate well, & Bob even took some prawns as a gift – Mum chose a bouquet of flowers. To be fair, they both seemed to enjoy other people’s company & it seemed a success all round. Hoorah.
Mum thought Abel needed some company so we left just after 3.00pm. I noticed there was one of the cases (x12 cans) of Bob’s Beer in the boot of the car, & Bob drank one on the way back. Whilst driving. Strangely enough we went back the same route as we arrived too . . .
Once home Mum & I took Abel walking – but not for long as it was chilly by now. I did touch on Bob & his NA beers & that it’s a slippery slope if Bob’s already got the taste for beer back, as yesterday it was just a ‘taste’ (although he finished Mum’s off) & today it’s four cans already, & it’s only 4.00pm . . . she agreed, but I didn’t labour the point, just wanted to voice potential concern.
Once back in the house I made us a cup of tea – of course – & as Mum was faffing with gloves & coats & leads I suggested she put all in a drawer to find it easily next time – no need to tidy now as the tea will get cold – & tried to speed up sitting down with warm tea in hand . . .
I went to the loo & once back Mum gave me a telling off. She didn’t like being treated like she was an idiot & she is ‘not messy at all’ she told me. Oh, I wasn’t expecting that. She felt I’d given her a proper telling off & she didn’t like that in her own home. She felt I was causing a problem & what was the plan moving forward & when was I thinking of leaving?
She’d told it to me straight.
Honestly, I was mortified. My first reaction was that I’d offended her & I’m not here to do that. At. All. I apologised if I’d made her feel angry & annoyed, as that’s the last thing I want to do, but I was simply trying to make finding Abel’s lead & her gloves easier tomorrow morning, & that there was a warming cup of tea rapidly getting cold whilst Mum wanted to empty out drawers & tidy up everywhere. So I was definitely not calling her untidy – quite the opposite in fact.
She seemed reassured by that, but there was still the look in her eyes of annoyance that I’d over-stepped the mark, so I apologised again & said that I realised I don’t always get everything right & I’m trying to make life better, not worse, but I’ll take a step back because life doesn’t need stress.
She told me that she was very grateful for all that I have done & not to take a step back at all, then all of a sudden she moved onto Bob . . .
‘What is that you’re drinking?’ She said, sharply. Lengthy weaselling ensued about it being a ‘brew’ & definitely not beer; about it having absolutely no alcohol, then 0.05% alcohol before finally confirming it was 0.5% alcoholic beer. Mum wasn’t happy. She couldn’t understand why he needed it, & Bob simply couldn’t understand why Mum had an issue with him drinking it because it was alcohol-free.
I offered my take on it – but only after agreeing with both of them that I could – which was: ‘You’ve simply replaced whisky with Pepsi for a couple of weeks Bob, & now you’re on alcohol-free beer, as yesterday you proudly proclaimed you’d bought two cans for a taste test – although there are two cases of the stuff in the garage – & ended up polishing them both off as Mum only had a couple of sips, & the very next day you have one for breakfast, two more whilst out, another whilst driving & who knows what the evening will hold. An addict is still an addict, clearly, as no-one would choose to have four cans otherwise – & what’s to say next time you’re shopping you pick up full-fat beer & before you know it you’re back on the whisky again? It’s a slippery slope Bob, & both Mum & I are concerned. We both care & want what’s best for you – as confirmed by Dr. Lyle Bob – that’s what the issue is here. That & the fact you won’t get any help.
Bob’s response was comparing this to Mum drinking a couple of cups of tea a day. Sigh. I left the room after telling Bob that it was ok for my reality to be different from his. I expressed my desire not to have an argument today & I was out. I recorded what they said, but still haven’t listened to it.
Mum called me back into the den 20 minutes later, & asked me what the future holds. We talked about counselling again, & that after I’d attended a session we’d all look at how Mum was doing along with the state of Bob & the house & go from there, as as long as Bob showed Mum love & care then there would be no ‘need’ for me to be here & Bob can have what he wants, which is me leaving. Failing that, you can come to the UK for a vacation as Bob suggested Mum, but first of all let’s get some outside help by people trained in such matters. Bob took us round the houses again but we brought it back to getting some help, & Bob tasked me with the role of setting up a suitable person – as the doc had recommended a couple of options – & I agreed I’d do just that this coming week. Good. I’m all over that . . .
Lia called & I had a lovely hour plus chat about our respective Christmas Days & rejoined the Deweys around 6.30pm, where they were watching a really calming carol service. I watched & enjoyed too, before heading off to bed early as I really had had quite enough fun today . . .
Slept well. Very well.
