Wednesday 15th June . . .

WEDNESDAY 15th JUNE . . .

Lia & I caught up properly over an early coffee in the garden, & agreed that Mum needed to choose what she wanted to do & we could only stand by & watch, helping only if wanted or in imminent danger. Fair enough. We also thought Bob would have a problem with last night.

I messaged him at 08:24:

 G’morning Bob,

Mum settled really well with us last night, laughing & joking before sleeping soundly. We did offer her the chance to return to the hotel but she chose to stay here, fully aware that she left because of how she felt.

She slept soundly & is now eating breakfast.

I wonder what caused her to break down yesterday – maybe it was the beer – but something for you to think about?

He didn’t reply until he posted this in another chat thread with Jane an hour later:

How did Susan do last night? When you left here last night you didn’t leave her much choice. She said she had found “Bob” and wanted to stay with him but you TOOK her and rushed her out. She was very confused. I do hope she had a good sleep, it was a long day for her.

How does Susan feel today? We had planned a nothing day to relax. Is she up? If not Ill await it to hear how she is. Bob

Well, there were are: Bob believes I effectively kidnapped Mum. Oh dear.

I responded with resending my original message along with letting him know I’d sent it an hour ago, plus responded to his comments so composed this (hopefully) gentle message:

Mum was indeed very confused last night, hence me collecting her at her request for help to take her away from the situation she was in, where her Capgras had returned with a vengance & she was seeing different Bob’s every minute who were all very bad men.

You also said she had just fallen over & she was clearly very emotionally distressed at these very bad Bobs, yet was overjoyed to see me when she answered the door & very happy to come back to stay with us when offered the option – spending a peaceful night with us; I in no way ‘TOOK’ her, as she walked out herself, & I informed the hotel staff of the situation on our way out.

As mentioned, Mum slept soundly & has now had breakfast. I shall let her decide how she wants to spend her day & be in touch once I have news.

I wonder what caused her to break down yesterday – maybe it was the beer – but something for you to think about?

Ah ha. Lonely. We discussed fear – how it has been used by the enemy ever since Adam & Eve & the fear of missing out, through to today & how much dis-ease & disease it causes & how ‘easy’ it is to stop that particular fear for her:

‘Mum, if you’re fearful about being lonely, I confirm that I will never leave you lonely.’

There. Take that!

‘It does require a little logistical work though, as you have chosen to live away from any of your family – both Bob’s & yours – but if you’re willing to make that move to be near us (as we can’t move to you because of work, vaccinations etc., etc., blah, blah) we can ensure you’re never ever lonely.’

Done.

‘How does that feel Mum?’

‘Oh, it’s wonderful.’

I also discussed something that feels quite poignant to me, which is that when someone’s exhibiting signs of a problem but it’s not consistent, it’s a message that something is not suitable for someone rather than that someone being broken beyond repair. Mum comes & goes right – just think, remember how she played verbal tennis with Bob about packing & being fit to go to London? She’s sharp as you like sometimes, so what is the difference between then & when she’s ‘away’? I tried to point out stress, food & sauce all have an effect on her, along with medications & that she’s simply older so cannot maintain her existing lifestyle without repercussions. She agreed. Yeah yeah, she agrees with everything I say, but I think she saw the value in this, as opposed to wanting to please. Her current lifestyle is killing her – slowly – & she has the opportunity to change if she wants, but she has to act. It’s a big ask for someone who has always relied on A. N. Other to act for them, but if she’s willing she stands a chance. Time will tell eh . . .

Now, back to today, does she fancy a trip out for a walk around an ole country village somewhere with a spot of lunch somewhere lovely, a bit of gardening & popping down the allotment or or or?

Naturally Mum couldn’t get past wanting to speak with Bob first. Of course. She constantly asked for my approval & acceptance too – which is very disconcerting but she confirmed she’d spent her entire life seeking the approval of men, so it was her norm. Obviously I mentioned I was her son – & even if she wasn’t used to parenting or was used to being told what to do – I was my own man but I valued & respected her thoughts, feelings & ultimately she was our guest so WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT. TO. DO?!

Ha. It wasn’t quite as clear cut as that sounds, but not a million miles away in meaning.

Eventually Mum confirmed she felt the need to speak with Bob; to get a ‘handle’ on all that had happened & all that he proposed to do because she was not prepared to live her life with a horrible old man. Fair enough. We agreed to call him but beforehand we prayed together. We prayed for wisdom & God’s guiding hands on Mum’s shoulders to show her the path He’d like her to take, plus I vocally prayed off my expectations of Mum to act as my mother, as she has never been blessed to experience bringing up a child, so I had no right to expect anything of Mum than the woman she is, & the same goes for Bob – & with that in mind I thanked the Lord for putting her back in my life & let all that junk go.

Bye bye.

And with that we were both lighter, so we called Bob. It was after 11:00 & he was in the pub, but he insisted on calling it The Restaurant & he was eating breakfast. It was a video call & clearly very loud already in The Restaurant, with boisterous eaters a-plenty by the sounds of it, so we mainly got a lovely view of his ear . . .

They agreed to meet in The Restaurant in around 20 minutes – & apart from Mum wanting reassurance that Bob was sober she was happy with the call.

We drove to town, parked nearby & walked for 15 minutes along by the river & by a lovely display of wild flowers that brought her great joy & ensured she was as calm as could be; I let her know that since I’d picked her up in a state from the hotel room last night right through to that very minute walking with her, she had been amazing; no sign of any issues with memory or mood or anything untoward whatsoever. There had been no stress in her world & she had laughed along with talking deeply & seriously & & was in absolutely top form. She agreed. I asked her to remember this feeling & consider how she felt when she thought about Bob, as well as thinking about how she feels when she is actually with him later.

The silence was deafening . . .

We walked into the pub – sorry, The Restaurant – & Bob was at a table facing away from us; Mum went over into his line of sight & I stayed slightly behind. Mum greeted him & he did the same, then Mum looked at me warmly & gave me a big ole hug along with thanking me profusely. Bob exclaimed that he didn’t know I was coming too. Sigh. I confirmed I’d only ensured that Mum had made it to the pub safely to see him & that I hoped they had a wonderful & productive day.

I bid them farewell & left them too it at around 11:45 & walked back to the car enjoying t’sun. Let’s pray today doesn’t follow the same pattern as yesterday . . .

My afternoon passed in a blur of work & after I finished I tootled down to t’allotment to water t’plants & received a call from Mum; ‘Here we go!’ I thought, but once again as it turned out I had jumped to conclusions 🙄

I’d kept a cursory eye on where the Chuckle Brothers had been during the afternoon – due to previous form I thought it would be wise to be forewarned – & today they had been busy indeed! It looked like they’d spent another hour or so at Pilgrims, then gone to McDs, then the Embankment Hotel, then a dessert place & the shopping centre, & Mum was now calling me from the hotel so they were now installed in their room &, well, honestly, she was bright as a button!

Brilliant!

Whatever the reason, she was very happy. She confirmed, along with a lot of prompting from Bob in the background, that their afternoon had indeed involved the same itinerary as I thought, & that everything was good but now they were tired so were going to chill for a little while before, ‘presumably’ she said, ‘presumably having dinner in the pub.

Well, it seemed that despite all the odds both Deweys had passed a wonderful afternoon, & I said so. We chewed the fat about what their plans were for the forthcoming days & Mum got into a little tizzy about thinking she was leaving soon & desperately hoped she’d see me before she left – which implies Bob’s been talking about returning home of course – but I reassured her there was still plenty of time left & I’d see her tomorrow, suggesting I meet them late morning or for lunch, but the little voice in the background (not God!) said they were off to London. Ok, no problem, make the most of the lovely weather but I hope lesson learned from their previous visit yesterday, & we agreed we’d see each other on Friday unless they say otherwise.

Positives & negatives here for me; the negative is that Friday is my busiest day of the week as Bob knows, yet that’s when they will be returning to stay with us from the hotel, despite the logistics of neither Lia or I being around. Naturally Bob didn’t discuss any of this with us, & I’m not entirely sure at this very moment how that will pan out, but of course we’ll work it out; yet I can spend most of the day with them tomorrow, but they’ve chosen to go away for the day again. It’s their call of course, but it does strike me as somewhat odd that he escapes when I’m around.

Or perhaps it isn’t odd at all 😉

The positives are they are actually living & not tearing strips off each other. Today was the very first time this trip that Mum hasn’t been distressed in the afternoon or evening after having spent a day with Bob. Is it because of our chat & prayer this morning & her apparent renewed sense of self worth? Is it because Bob has seen the light? Perhaps Bob’s simply on best behaviour? Or maybe they genuinely are finding their feet at this time of their lives? Who knows, but I pray it continues . . .

We chat for around 20 minutes & all is very good – I’m absolutely chuffed to hear they’ve spent a good afternoon together considering their previous (mis)adventures, so pray life, actions & good moods in general continue . . .

I hear nothing more on the Dewey hotline all evening. Hallelujah.