JUNE . . .
Mum, Jane & I continue to chatty about all things bright & beautiful together, yet behind the scenes Jane & I are concerned about Mum as she is clearly regressing back to confusion. I message Gina – as I haven’t heard anything for a month since we discussed the MyChart & antidepressant prescription – to let her know things were not looking rosy at Deweyland & wondered where this was leading to.
Monday, 7th June gave me my answer; Mum called to ask if she could come & visit. To stay.
Honestly, I was delighted.
It’s always been the #01 option for Mum to come here, get some space & sanity & see exactly where & with whom she wants to spend her days.
Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes!
We discussed logistics briefly but ultimately the answer was ‘Yes!’ to Mum; for her to ask Bob to book her tickets to Heathrow & we’ll do all the rest. Obviously Bob was welcome too if he wanted to come – but Mum confirmed she would prefer to visit on her own.
Ahhhh, music to my ears!
I asked if Bob could hear me, & once he’d shuffled into the room I asked him – nay, ‘told’ him to call me later in the day as we needed to talk.
Mum was quite sharp throughout the conversation, although at one point she called Bob ‘Tim’, so confusion was possible but let’s roll with it; let’s get Mum over to England now as we’ve witnessed with a bit of love, a bit of self-worth & focus in life there’s no need for the booze or the meds – so let’s do it on our terms now . . .
Much to my surprise – & delight – Bob did call later. We spoke at length; Mum was deteriorating & Bob saw it. He confided & confirmed that he noticed whenever he criticised or plainly told Mum she was wrong that Mum would suffer & go downhill. No shit Sherlock! We ran through a couple of examples & I tried to gently relate those to what we’d experienced whilst I was visiting & that it could be reversed; but to be totally honest Mum is now back on the booze, back on the meds & surprise, surprise, she’s depressed & suffering with Capras again – after she’d recovered so well at the beginning of the year. It didn’t take long did it? Did he know why?
He just squirmed. And squirmed some more. I asked him to follow-up on Mum’s request & book her tickets to Heathrow & we’d do the rest. I would be more than happy to visit them to bring her back to England if required, but of course a chaperone could be arranged by the airline too – let’s just put Mum’s mind at rest & do what she wants. Bob’s major focus of the entire hour-long phone call was the price of Lidl’s steaks & how amazing the shop was. I was pleasant, & was as understanding & showed as much grace as I had within me. Yes, it could’ve been more, but even I was quite pleased with how consoling I thought I was.
The following day we had our weekly family video chatty; it went well & both Jane & I pressed home Mum visiting me here & how good it would be for her. I mentioned about visiting Crete too – to visit Lia’s Mum & family too, as well as getting some much-need sun & sea air – which really seemed to lift her spirits & give something to look forward to. It was a lovely chat – Mum was very bright – but she looked sad visually. Sigh.
Wednesday, the next day, Mum called me again. Exactly the same conversation, ‘When can I come & visit?’ This time it was a little more intense. She wanted to book a one-way ticket. She wanted to come on her own. She also – unfortunately – didn’t know Bob’s name. He wasn’t her husband – she had to go & ask him his name. She was back in the Capgras Club. She was back down. Oh my.
Buoyed by knowing she was more than welcome here as soon as she could jump on a plane & there was nothing stopping us – just a case of Bob booking the flights & we’d be reunited, we ended the call well & laughed much.
I followed this up with a voice message to Bob summing up Mum & my conversation in case he hadn’t heard it – confirming that Mum was back to full-blown Capgras – & could he arrange the tickets ASAP & let me know.
I followed that up on Friday morning with a message asking Bob how he was getting on.
The silence was deafening . . .
The following day I received a call from Mum . . . nervously telling me that she doesn’t want to be a burden & can’t possibly visit. Clearly Bob’s had a word in her ear – I can hear in the tone of her voice that she’s not convinced by what she’s actually saying – but of course I need to ensure Mum feels listened to, so really all I could do was ensure Mum was in no doubt that I would love her to visit whenever she was ready to. No pressure. No stress. But whenever that time was – sooner or later – we’d love to have her here – plus of course we could visit Crete too, as Eva’s Mum Mary would love to meet her. Bob too if he wished.
No no, she wasn’t going anywhere yet, as she now needed the doctors report on her to know what to do in the future. After voicing that the doctor wasn’t God & that Mum was in charge of exactly what she wanted to do, we agreed just to see how the future unfolds & to simply be here for her whenever she wishes.
Behind the scenes I was in touch with Gina – as the Capgras was back with a vengeance as Mum was now not recognising Bob as her husband – despite following orders – & Mum was now sporting a new black eye. Ouch.
That was it – enough.
Letter composed & sent to Social Services & Gina asked to send Dr Lyle a copy of the following, as this was clearly deteriorating faster than we feared:
Re: Susan Dewey – my Mum
XXX Warner Woods Road, Lexington SC XXXXX
Hello there all,
I hope this letter finds you all well.
Long time no speak, but recent events with the Deweys have forced my hand to get in touch this way as a follow-up to the facts & concerns outlined in my previous letter to you in January of this year, five months ago.
As you will recall, Mum showed remarkable recovery during November-January once simply shown love, care, empathy & ‘just’ given ‘focus’. She voluntarily quit the booze, came off all meds with no side effects, regained her physical strength & mentally was as bright as a button – with full humour & self-determination – with her previously diagnosed Capgras delusion & depression simply disappearing – truly a memory indeed!
Alas this was temporary as feared when I was forced to leave the U.S. at the end of January, which I voiced to you all to be as proactive in their future care & ensure those who are involved in the Deweys future are aware of the reality in their household.
However, recently Mum’s well-being & general health has deteriorated VERY rapidly, & I am now flagging up to you the very real, very dangerous issues concerning her safety:
1. Bob has successfully encouraged Mum to go back to consuming beer & wine, which has fuelled her depression & recently has resulted in her being prescribed the antidepressant Zoloft. She is still drinking – as is Bob – so mixing Zoloft with alcohol despite the FDA warning. Please note that both Mum & Bob will tell you what they want you to hear, rather than face reality about their consumption.
2. Bob has changed the password for MyChart & will not allow me access. I have good reason to think he’s also taken me off the HIPAA, but am unsure as I have no way to contact their family practitioner Dr Lyle as I’m now back in the UK.
Mum or Bob did not advise me of this removal, I discovered this when MyChart told me the password had been changed. When I asked Bob – who is the gatekeeper to all comms with Mum – he told me it was simply the new way it works & could do nothing. Bob is in sole charge of Mum’s day-to-day care – as she has zero self-determination in this realm – & did not divulge that Mum was now back on medication; in fact I only knew about it when a new test result flashed up on MyChart around 10 minutes before the password was changed. I don’t believe in coincidences. Do you? When I questioned Bob about it, he deliberately lied & told me Mum was not on any medication; subsequently denying it was prescribed for her & telling me that it was actually for him. Around 12 hours later he informed me – by written message – that when they’d visited the pharmacy it was there waiting for Mum & was a ’surprise’.
Additionally, the Rev. Gina D. Metze, the Dewey’s neighbour & nearest point of call in case of emergency, has also been removed from Mum’s HIPAA, which she discovered when calling Lexington Medical to speak with Dr Lyle about concerns for Mum’s safety, rather than being advised by Mum or Bob directly.
If Gina &/or myself have been removed, I suspect in the strongest possible terms this will have been orchestrated by Bob & that my mother would prefer that I am fully involved. How may I get access back to MyChart?
2. Mum is right back at square one with full-on Capgras Delusion. When I spoke to her during last week- x3 times on x3 separate days – she did not know the man in her house was her husband. She is now confused to varying degrees all the time & agitated. She is stressed, worried & not ‘herself’, despite clearly proving she is capable of being herself previously by my visit.
3. Mum called me on two separate occasions begging to visit me, as she did not feel good at home & ’needed to spend time with her family on her own.’ She categorically said she wanted to visit alone. I immediately agreed both times & asked Bob to make the arrangements, including a chaperone at the airport if Bob wasn’t going to visit himself or, if required, I can come to ‘collect’ Mum, but will of course have to spent time out of Europe before visiting. Bob confirmed he would look into all, & I followed this up a couple of days later to see how they were getting on. The following day Mum called to apologise for being such a ‘burden’ & doesn’t want to visit now. I believe Bob is pressurising her, & my extended three month visit with her at the beginning of this year illustrates beyond doubt that Mum blows with the wind & is unable to take care of herself so is relying on others – at the time myself & now solely Bob – & will go with the path of least resistance even though it is clearly damaging & downright dangerous to her health, sanity & overall well-being. In a nutshell, Bob is unable to take care of himself, let alone Mum.
4. Mum has a bruised eye again. According to Bob she fell out of bed. He didn’t tell me, & neither did she. He also didn’t tell me that he was so worried that he took her to the medics who were so concerned they felt a CT scan was necessary. I would point out in the strongest possible terms that Mum did not suffer with a single bruise or injury of any kind in the three months that I was with her.
5. Bob is slurring. I fear for his health too. The best part of 80-years-old & downing Scotch like it’s water.
I am VERY concerned for their welfare & ask that you do all in your power to ensure the safety of my Mother please. If visiting, early evening would be the ideal time to see what life is really like.
Yours very sincerely
Tim Allen
Susan Dewey’s son
cc:
D’Angela L. Harvey
Adrianna Baker
Melissa Huffstetler
Rev. G. D. Metze
I’m still waiting for a reply. How are the Septics so slow on this – seems it’s not only Mum who’s ‘mad’ . . .
One reply on “June 2021 . . .”
Hay Tim!!!! Long time…how goes it? What’s new?